Kingpin defender Calvin Staunton has decided to hang up his legs at the end of the season.
The veteran of 82 games would have seen himself reach 100 appearances had he decided to continue for one more season, but felt that the time was right to bring his career to a close.
“I’ve had a couple of really tough seasons, and I’d rather go out on a high.” He said in a press conference earlier today, and continued…
“Following the injury during the clash with Wals Reds two seasons ago, I didn’t think I’d ever kick a ball again, but the American doctors did a superb job with the bionic legs, and I was better than ever! But it’s a tough league and as my last two matches showed, I’m having trouble keeping them attached these days.” He was of referring to his rather harsh sending off – the only red card of his career; and the last game against Newnham Rovers, where the Rovers keeper managed to save his leg from hitting the back of the net.
Calvin’s injury troubles began when Mr Wal, well known for his links with the Chinese Triad underworld, and his pathological hatred of the Hornets, was rumoured to have ordered the ‘hit’ on Staunton; a charge he has vehemently denied.
The 32 year old will be sorely missed at Highcroft. With a massive 67 Xpert Eleven appearances, he is by far the Most Valuable Player ever to grace the X11 league. His record is even more astonishing when you consider that other M-F League greats STA’s Warren Trigg, Menstrie’s Guy Daltry and the Hustlers Graeme Cunningham have 109, 98 and 97 games respectively to their credit, and yet cannot compete with Staunton’s X11 appearance nor match/X11 ratio.
Another unusual statistic is that Calvin heads up the Number 1 hit on Google – Try it!
It won’t be the last we hear of Calvin though – he has signed up as a reporter for the Sporting Times and his wisdom on the field will surely be a great asset to the paper. He is also rumoured to be Hollywood bound to star with Michelle Ryan in the new series of the Bionic Woman, but he is keen to point out that it is very early days on that one!
The club website editors tried to contact JB for a comment, but he was last seen…
…heading for the bar!